Some people pride themselves on being “honest” and “upfront.” They tell it like it is, cutting through the noise with what they believe is refreshing bluntness. But too often, this kind of directness isn’t honesty—it’s contention. It’s an attitude that thrives on friction, stirring up division rather than unity.
A contentious person often models someone they admire—a parent, a mentor, a boss—who achieved success through intimidation. What they fail to see are the consequences of this approach. Relationships are fractured, productivity plummets, and trust erodes.
In a workplace, a contentious employee becomes an expensive liability. They disrupt focus, weaken team morale, and delay important projects. A single divisive individual can poison an entire company culture, leading to lost profits and shattered relationships.
Scripture warns us about such people:
“Make no friendship with a man that is given to anger; And with a wrathful man thou shalt not go; Lest thou learn his ways, And get a snare to thy soul” (JPS 1917, Proverbs 22:24-25).
True wisdom does not boast in conflict but seeks peace:
“A wise man feareth, and departeth from evil; But the fool behaveth overbearingly, and is confident” (JPS 1917, Proverbs 14:16).
Unity has always been the greatest enemy of destruction. When two people stand together, they accomplish more than they ever could alone. As Ecclesiastes reminds us:
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falleth, and hath not another to lift him up” (JPS 1917, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).
Yet, a contentious person ignores every point of agreement, always seeking reasons to argue. Where envy and self-seeking thrive, chaos follows.
“For jealousy is the rage of a man, And he will not spare in the day of vengeance” (JPS 1917, Proverbs 6:34).
But true wisdom is different—it is pure, peaceable, and full of mercy:
“The wisdom of the prudent is to look well to his way; But the folly of fools is deceit” (JPS 1917, Proverbs 14:8).
At its core, contention stems from ingratitude. It was the very first sin, committed by Satan himself. He was dissatisfied with his position and chose rebellion instead of gratitude.
Ingratitude can destroy families in weeks. It can dismantle organizations in months. Thriving communities have been torn apart by a single spirit of unthankfulness.
“Where no wood is, the fire goeth out; And where there is no whisperer, contention ceaseth” (JPS 1917, Proverbs 26:20).
The solution? Starve contention. Refuse to feed it with words of negativity. Cut off its oxygen supply by shifting the conversation toward positivity and gratitude.
Words shape reality. Whatever you declare repeatedly will come to pass. If you allow a contentious person to dictate the atmosphere around you, conflict will thrive. But if you take charge, you can shift the atmosphere with words of wisdom and peace.
“A soft answer turneth away wrath; But a grievous word stirreth up anger” (JPS 1917, Proverbs 15:1).
Right words are worth the time it takes to find them. Wrong words can destroy in an instant.
“He that guardeth his mouth keepeth his life; But for him that openeth wide his lips there shall be ruin” (JPS 1917, Proverbs 13:3).
When a problem arises, resist the urge to dwell on it. Talking about the problem repeatedly only gives it more power. Instead, shift the conversation toward solutions.
A contentious person often rejects authority, claiming they submit only to God. This mindset is an orphan mentality—unwilling to commit long-term, always looking for an escape.
But Scripture teaches otherwise:
“By me kings reign, And princes decree justice. By me princes rule, And nobles, even all the judges of the earth” (JPS 1917, Proverbs 8:15-16).
Rejecting God-ordained authority is rejecting order itself. Honor is not just for those who are kind—it extends even to those who may be difficult.
“Cursed be he that dishonoureth his father or his mother. And all the people shall say: Amen” (JPS 1917, Deuteronomy 27:16).
Contention is a fire that spreads quickly. It burns through relationships, businesses, and communities, leaving destruction in its wake. But you don’t have to engage with it.
“It is better to dwell in a desert land, Than with a contentious and fretful woman” (JPS 1917, Proverbs 21:19).
Some battles are not worth fighting. Walk away. Preserve your peace. Seek wisdom, not strife. Because at the end of the day, you can succeed almost anywhere—except with a contentious person.
Attitude Cancels All Excuses: Unlocking the Spirit of Biblical Leadership